Everyone is used to this phenomenon and
thinks it is normal.(習以為常)
At the time of the Northern and Southern
Dynasties in China, there was an important kingdom in the north called the
Kingdom of Wei.
There was a famous minister in the Wei
Kingdom, his name was Yuan Xiaoyou. There is a story about him in the history
books.
Yuan Xiaoyou had royal blood and was very
loyal to the Wei Dynasty. He liked to observe some social phenomena and would
also make some suggestions to the king based on his own experience after
observing social phenomena.
Among them, he expressed his views on the
chaos of the marriage system at that time.
He said.
China has had clear regulations on the
marriage system since ancient times, and a man can take a concubine in addition
to his wife.
Each man has a different identity and
status, so the number of concubines each man can have is also different. A man
can have a maximum of eight concubines and a minimum of two.
This system has been maintained for over a
thousand years. Under this clear system, the population has grown continuously
and the whole society is very stable.
However, after the establishment of the Wei
Dynasty, this long-standing system was changed.
Many royal princesses of the Wei Dynasty
married high-ranking officials in the central government, and many princes and
royal families intermarried. Everyone got used to this phenomenon and thought
it was normal.
These princesses did not like their
husbands taking concubines. The princes of the Wei Kingdom who married
princesses and the high officials of the central government did not dare to
take concubines because they were afraid of their wives.
The social phenomenon of monogamy is very
popular among the upper classes of this society, so in recent years it has
gradually become a social trend, and the system of monogamy has begun to
prevail in the whole of society.
There are some men in society who do not
like the system of monogamy and want to maintain the old traditions. When these
men who want to take concubines express their ideas, they are ridiculed and
verbally attacked by their friends.
From my observation, this phenomenon has
now caused very serious social problems. Parents in many families will tell
their daughters that if your husband takes a concubine, it means he doesn't
love you, so you must insist that your husband not take a concubine.
However, the tradition that a man can take
a concubine depending on his status and position has been going on for more
than a thousand years. Many men have serious disputes with their wives because
of this, and family discord caused by the inability to take a concubine has
also appeared in the whole of society.
Based on my observations, I have made my
suggestions. I think we should restore the traditional system and improve it.
We should clearly state that every man can take concubines according to his
status, because this system has been tried and tested for a long time and has
proven its superiority. We should not allow the phenomenon of monogamy to
spread and grow.
The direct translation of this idiom is
that everyone is used to this phenomenon and everyone thinks it is normal.
This idiom is used to describe a habit
that some individuals or groups of people develop, which later becomes a normal
state that is difficult to change.
Dear friends, what inspiration or thoughts
do you have after listening to this story?
Do you think there are any customs in this
society that need to be changed? What other marriage systems have you heard
about?
I hope this story can give you some new
insights.
習以為常(Everyone is used to this phenomenon
and thinks it is normal.)
中國的南北王朝時代，北方有一個重要的王國，這個王國就是魏王國。
魏王國中一個著名的大臣，他的名字叫做元孝友，歷史書上記載了一個他的故事。
元孝友有皇家的血統，他對魏王朝非常的忠誠，他很喜歡觀察社會上的一些現象，他也會針對自己觀察社會現象後的心得向國王提出一些建議。
其中，他針對當時的婚姻制度的亂象提出他的看法。
他說。
中國從古代開始針對婚姻制度就有明確的規定，一個男人除了自己的妻子外另外還可以娶妾。
每個男人的身分與地位不相同，所以每個男人娶妾的數量也不一定。一個男人最多可以娶八個妾，最少只可以娶兩個妾。
這套制度已經維持了超過一千年，在這套明確的制度下，人口維持持續的增長而且整個社會非常的穩定。
但是魏王朝建立之後，就更改了這一套運行已久的制度。
魏王朝的很多皇室的公主嫁給中央政府內的高級官員，很多諸侯與皇室之間會彼此通婚。這個現象大家都覺得習慣了，大家都覺得這個現象很正常。
這些公主們都不喜歡自己的先生納妾，這些魏王國中的娶了公主的諸侯與中央政府內的高級官員們因為怕懼怕自己的妻子，所以他們都不敢納妾。
一夫一妻的社會現象因為在這個社會的上流階層中非常的流行，所以在這幾年來已經漸漸地變成一股社會潮流，整個社會上也都開始風行一夫一妻的制度。
社會上有些男人不喜歡一夫一妻的制度，這些男人想要維持舊有的傳統，當這些想要納妾的男人提出自己想要納妾的看法時，這些人就會遭受到其周圍的朋友的嘲笑與言語攻擊。
根據我的觀察，現在這種現象已經造成了很嚴重的社會問題，很多家庭中的父母都會對自己的女兒說，如果妳的先生娶了妾就表示他不愛妳，所以妳要堅持不可以讓妳的先生娶妾。
但是一個男人根據自己的身分地位不同可以娶妾的這個傳統已經延續了超過一千年，很多男人因此與自己的妻子發生嚴重的爭執，整個社會中還出現了因為無法娶妾所造成的家庭失和的情況。
根據我的觀察我提出我的建議，我認為我們應該要恢復傳統的制度，另外在傳統的制度再進行優化，我們應該要明確地規定每個男人可以依照自己身分娶妾，因為這項制度已經經過了長時間的驗證顯示出其優越性，我們不應該讓一夫一妻的這個現象繼續拓展壯大。
這句成語直接翻譯的意思是這個現象大家都覺得習慣了，大家都覺得這個現象很正常。
這句成語被用來形容一些個人或大眾養成了一個習慣，這個習慣後來就成為了一種難以改變的常態。
親愛的朋友，你聽完這個故事有怎樣的啟發或有怎樣的想法呢。
你認為這個社會上有那些風俗是需要改變的嗎?你聽過那些不同的婚姻制度呢?
我期待這故事能讓你產生一些新的收穫。
出處為魏書-列傳6-太武五王傳
https://ctext.org/wiki.pl?if=gb&chapter=398777&remap=gb